


Deep in my Heart, Deep in my Soul

by heartjoongs (krucxa)



Series: Raise me up, Take me up [2]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: ?? but not for long, Again, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Ambiguous Relationships, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempt at Humor, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sequel, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, and also (gasp), because MAYBE i actually rlly rlly like this au, no beta we die like men, off-screen violence, san n yeosang only actually appear for a sec tho, touch starved joong unu, we all need a mingi in our lives, we love soft seonghwa in this household !
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 09:50:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17681162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krucxa/pseuds/heartjoongs
Summary: Because the dream wasn't a simple nightmare. It was amemory.And even when Hongjoong's as touch starved as he possibly could be, he can't risk the possibility of accidentally hurting Seonghwa.





	Deep in my Heart, Deep in my Soul

**Author's Note:**

> so......... uh..... i might have been a lil overenthusiastic bc of the feedback i got on the last fic..... so here's a sequel that also manages to be a prequel lmao
> 
> and did i predict the hala hala mv with my previous fic?? Probably Not but i'm still gonna take the credit fkshskhs
> 
> i've literally been writing this since yesterday and it's not proofread, again but!! i'll probably beta this later so unu
> 
> i tried to focus a lil bit more on their powers here tho somehow i managed to..... not mention seonghwa's power even ONCE and i'm so sowwy xjshsksjk  
>  anyway, i hope u'll like this!!
> 
> oh shit wait there's a bit of implied? self harm? but only for a second!!!

_(His day starts off as simple as ever, having to wake up right before five in the morning on a school day and downing a bitter, black coffee in hopes of it keeping him awake through all of his classes before he gets home._

_He slips on a pair of skin tight jeans, cuffing the legs at the end, pairing it with a simple, but stylish sleeveless shirt and a cardigan, because at the time, he still cared about his looks more than he'd like to admit._

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_While washing his teeth, he glances at the mirror, noting the dark circles forming under his eyes and his hair that starts to resemble a mullet, slowly getting longer with every passing day._

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_What's not so simple about this day, is the overwhelming headache that's been tormenting him since yesterday, and he winces as he stops his movements, his free hand coming up to rub at his temple._

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_He's always been a rather healthy kid. While most of his peers would occasionally stay at home for weeks after catching a nasty cold or something similiar to it, he's always showed up at school, unbothered, because getting sick wasn't something he experienced often. Maybe that's why, when he feels the pain pounding in his head with every step he takes, it feels so much worse than it probably should._

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_He's not the one to give up easily, though, so he only grits his teeth, and takes a painkiller before leaving his house._

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_Coming from a pretty small town, it usually takes him around an hour just to get to his high school; given there's no traffic, that is. But it seems like the universe decided to hate him today, because the bus he steps into is not only so stuffed with people for him to barely be able to breathe, but it also stays in the same place for way longer than it actually moves ahead._

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_Squashed in between a significantly taller than him, old man, who reeks of alcohol and the glass door, Hongjoong desperately avoids eye contact with the other passengers, only heaving out a relieved sigh when the bus finally, _finally_ arrives at his bus stop._

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_Tugging his phone out of the pocket of his jeans, he shrieks out loud when he sees how late he already is, and runs the rest of the way to the building._

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_It takes him only five minutes instead of the usual ten, and he hurriedly bows at the teacher when he storms into the classroom, excuse already at the top of his tongue as the teacher only waves him off with a mutter of _just go to your seat_._

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_It's incredibly anxiety inducing, as all of the students stare at him his entire way to his desk, and he can feels his cheeks burning from embarrassment before finally sitting down._

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_The rest of the lesson flies by, but it's not reallt surprising when there wasn't even a half an hour of it left ㅡ and before he knows it, the bell rings, and most of his classmates cheer subtly at the fact._

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_Turning in his seat, as fast as he can, he catches the eye of the kid sitting next to him. It's Minhyuk, a boy younger than him that managed to skip a year ahead, and the two of them aren't actually friends, but they do get along when the situation asks for it._

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_"Hey, Minhyuk," he calls out with a wave of his hand, "can I borrow your notes for a second? You know, since I was late and all that."_

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_The boy nods in understanding, and he reaches out for his already closed notebook, before quickly opening it and turning the pages until he finds today's lesson. Then, his gaze flies back to Hongjoong, and he smiles as he extends his arm, "here. You didn't miss too much, really."_

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_Hongjoong grins back at him easily, about to thank the younger when their fingers brush against each other. The contact is brief, but Minhyuk's palm feels surprisingly cold, and Hongjoong puts the notebook on his desk before glancing back at the boy._

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_Then, his breath hitches._

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_Because the boy is still looking at him, his eyes wide and pupils dilated as his skin turns paler with every second passing. His hand isn't extended anymore, instead clutching at his chest as the younger struggles to breathe._

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_Panic floods Hongjoong's lungs, clouding all his rational thoughts, and he can only stare, rooted to the spot, as Minhyuk bends over, letting his head fall on top of his desk, his shoulders shaking uncomfortably, and Hongjoong isn't sure if it's him or Minhyuk who's hyperventilating, maybe both, actually. Because he can see movement from the corner of his eye, and there are blurry figures leaning over Minhyuk, throwing scared glances straight at Hongjoong, and he can't hear anything as he keeps his gaze trained on the boy, before everything becomes fuzzy and the only thing he can see is black.)_

His eyes fly open to the sound of his own ragged breathing and even ticking of the clock on the nightstand. He's shivering, the blanket kicked far, far away and there's a sheen layer of sweat covering his entire body. He stares at the ceiling, reminding himself that he's safe, that it's only a dream, and it takes him a while to calm down, but eventually his breathing evens out and he turns his head to the side.

Immediately, his eyes lock on the second person currently occupying his bed, Seonghwa's back turned to him as the older sleeps, unaware of the mental turmoil Hongjoong's going through at the moment.

The fact that he's not alone right now, makes coping with this slightly easier.

He sucks in a breath, holding it in for as long as he can before slowly releasing it. He stares at the way Seonghwa's chest rises evenly, at the way his blonde locks lay on the pillow in smooth lines, and he lets himself admire the boy in hopes of forgetting about the dream whatsoever.

A soft sigh slips past his lips, and he reaches out his hand to _touch_ , to grab the older's shoulder and gently tug him closer, to cuddle him and maybe even smell the rosy scent that always seems to surround him, but he hesitates just as he's about to make contact with Seonghwa's skin.

Minhyuk's sickly pale face flashes before his eyes before he retracts his hand hastily, crawling away as far as he can before his back hits the wall.

Because the dream wasn't a simple nightmare. It was a _memory_.

And even when Hongjoong's as touch starved as he possibly could be, he can't risk the possibility of accidentally hurting Seonghwa.

Rationally, he knows he's trained for _years_ to be able to control his power, but there's nothing rational about his fear, so he only turns around, facing the wall, before curling in on himself and ignoring the way his chest starts to ache.

➳

They don't talk about it.

After Seonghwa got back from his supposed suicide mission, something changed between them. Hongjoong can feel it. It's as if they came to an agreement that skinship is now allowed, except it was never actually spoken out loud.

Now, when Seonghwa visits the café he works at, the older never forgets to order two drinks instead of one, handing Hongjoong back one of the cups with a cheeky wink. When they pass each other by on the campus, Seonghwa's fingers automatically find Hongjoong's wrist, pulling him closer before bumping the younger's hip with his own. When they share a specifically boring class, Seonghwa plays with his hair silently, and when they don't, Hongjoong got used to occasionally finding a cup of coffee or a small bar of chocolate lying on his desk with small notes telling him to _cheer up_ or _get through the day with a smile_.

It's undeniably cute, Hongjoong admits, and it never fails to get him flustered, but he feels like there's a big elephant in the room they keep ignoring.

"What are we?" he finds himself mumbling into his pillow one night, an hour after Seonghwa left his place with a gentle peck on Hongjoong's cheekbone, and whatever the answer is, he doesn't know any suiting word for it.

They never actually specified their relationship, and as much as Hongjoong adores the older, he kind of wishes they would.

He finally drifts off two hours after lying down.

_(He doesn't know if he's actually awake or not when he finally opens his eyes again._

_He's lying on a stiff, smooth blanket, which somehow still manages to feel uncomfortable as it tickles the back of his neck. Various machines are surrounding the bed, and he briefly thinks they belong in a science fiction movie when he sees the way they're connected to the skin-tight suit he finds himself in. He's unsure whether it's monitoring his vitals, or... whatever else it could be doing. He doesn't really want to think about it._

_He tries to move his right hand, the cables following him but he can't bring himself to do much more, his movements sluggish and_ extremely _tiring._

_"I don't think that's a good idea."_

_He startles at the words, whipping his head towards the source of the sound. The voice is muffled, but he can still hear the amusement dripping from it, and only then does he notice a person standing by one of the machines, a safe distant away._

_A mask is hiding their face from his view, and it sends a spike of anxiety through his body. The stranger's wearing a simple lab coat, their hands tucked into black safety gloves, and the person speaks up again before Hongjoong can even open his mouth, "don't worry, nobody's going to hurt you here. Unless you do it first, that is," the words sound automatic, as if they've been repeating the statement for years now, and it doesn't soothe his nerves a bit. "The kid, Minhyuk, was it? He's okay, though only by luck," they continue, walking up to one of the machines on the other end of the bed, temporarily vanishing from Hongjoong's line of sight, "you're an interesting one, I have to admit. I haven't seen another Super before with that kind of destructive power."_

_His lips part as he tries to understand what the stranger's saying, his mind still too drowsy from sleep to actually comprehend anything._

_"Super?" he mumbles, apparently too quiet because the other doesn't seem to hear it, so he tries again, a little louder this time, "what do you mean, Super?"_

_The scientist's head pokes out from behind the machine before they reply, "you don't know? Haven't you heard of any superheroes before?"_

_His eyes furrow slightly, "uh, I mean, I did hear_ something _about themㅡ"_

_"Jesus, that's relieving. Because you just presented as one."_

_They say it so casually for a second Hongjoong thinks they're joking, and only as the silence stretches does he finally realize they might be actually serious._

_"What?"_

_The person finally emerges fully, taking cautious, yet at the same time slightly intimidating steps towards him, and he only blinks at the scientist when they start unplugging the cables from his suit._

_"Yeah, you're a Super. Kind of a dangerous one, so you'll have to excuse all the layers of clothes you'll have to wear, but until you learn how to control it, we can't let anyone touch your skin ㅡ or you touch theirs. No more Minhyuk incidents, you know?" when all of the cables finally fall to the ground, he carefully brings himself up, looking around the room again as he sits on the bed, his feet hitting the floor with a quiet_ thump _, "fortunately, we can help you with controlling it."_

_Despite the mask on their face, he can hear the genuine smile in their voice, and he nods, choosing to trust the stranger ㅡ it's not like he actually has a choice, anyway._

_"Okay," he murmurs, turning back to face the scientist, "so... what do I have to do?")_

➳

He tugs off his earphones as he steps inside the coffee shop, tapping at the screen of his phone with his thumb to stop the music before stuffing it back into his pocket. He nods in greeting at his co-worker and he doesn't waste his time as he changes into his uniform, ready to start his shift.

Before he leaves the room, though, he stops for a second, staring at his bag in contemplation before quickly searching through it and he hums when he finds a familiar pair of black gloves at the bottom.

Without much thought, he slips them on, and despite the guilt they still fill him with, it's also like a safety blanket that keeps him warm and shielded at the same time.

A sigh leaves his lips. He hasn't worn the gloves in a long time now, but it still grounds him, in a way.

But it keeps distracting him through his shift, and he carefully avoids touching any customers while he takes their orders, and it's almost as if he's seventeen again, maneuvering in between the unknowing strangers through the halls of the facility and pretending not to feel the uncomfortable jabs at his chest when scientist keep a distance away from him.

He's so lost in his own world, it's only when a hand lands on his shoulder that it brings him back to reality, and he jumps back as if he's been burned.

An apology already at the tip of his tongue, he meets Yunho's gaze and he stops when he sees the hurt in the boy's eyes.

Yunho's stare is locked on the gloves on Hongjoong's hands as his mouth twists noticeably. There's a pang of guilt in Hongjoong's throat and he knows Yunho feels it, too, because the boy's eyebrows furrow but fortunately, he doesn't comment on it.

Instead, he locks his arms in front of his chest, slowly letting his eyes trail up from the gloves to Hongjoong's face, and he heaves a sigh before casually saying, "so, how have you been? I haven't seen you for the whole week."

Hongjoong shrugs lightly, "you know, the usual. Busy as always."

"I... see."

Yunho's words are careful, as if he expected Hongjoong to flee any second now, and Hongjoong is honestly too tired to feel offended ㅡ he's literally working, it's not like he's just going to leave his own shift. But, at the same time, he's glad the other is trying to ignore the gloves on Hongjoong's hands, and doesn't try to touch him anymore, as if he _knew_ this is the last thing Hongjoong would want to happen right now.

Actually, scratch that. Maybe Yunho actually knows that. With the powers like his own, he seems to always know a lot more than you'd like him to. Because his power is literally about _knowing_ things ㅡ knowing other people's feelings and drastic changes in emotions, knowing bits and pieces of the nearest future, he just. Knows.

Sometimes, only sometimes, Hongjoong wishes he could have a useful power like Yunho. But instead, his power is literally that of a _thief_.

He can poison people by touch and steal energy from everything that lives to heal his wounds. It's the exact opposite of Mingi's power, and as much as the two of them like to joke about fulfilling each other, Mingi's power helps _others_.

And the only person Hongjoong's power can help is his own self.

_(The second person to present as a Super in their area was Yunho._

_The first week the boy spent locked away from everyone, even from Hongjoong, as the scientist weren't sure what his power was yet, so they decided to monitor him from a distance._

_It's only when they confirmed that Yunho wasn't actually able to read people's minds like a book or hear their thoughts that they let him walk freely around the facility, and the first time Hongjoong met the younger, Yunho walked in to the canteen, where he was already munching on something that was supposed to imitate mashed potatoes, but failed miserably._

_As their gazes met, a huge grin lit up Yunho's face, and the boy walked up to Hongjoong in wide, quick strands before extending his hand for Hongjoong to shake, "Hey! I'm Yunho, and you?"_

_The moment of hesitation on Hongjoong's side was all it took for his smile to dim and he tilted his side in a confused fashion before Hongjoong regained his ability to speak._

_"Sorry, I'm, uh, I can't really... touch people," he rushed to explain, adjusting the black gloves on his hands before tugging the sleeve of his hoodie all the way down to the tips of his fingers, and only then did he reach his palm to gently shake Yunho's._

_And as Yunho's eyes glinted happily again, Hongjoong knew they were going to get along just fine._

_Being the only Supers at the facility, they spent almost all of their free time together, and the scientists even let Hongjoong inside Yunho's practice room sometimes, but never the other way around._

_Because what Hongjoong's been doing wasn't as light hearted as Yunho's visions of the meal that was going to be served the next day at the canteen or what he thought was a new Super joinging them in a few months._

_And Hongjoong was fine with it, really._

_Most of the time, at least. Until the one day he forgot to lock the door of his practice room and Yunho walked in to see Hongjoong sitting on the floor, surrounded by various potted plants. His hoodie thrown carelessly to the side, the sleeves shirt Hongjoong's been wearing showed off his scarred arms, healing slowly right in front of Yunho's eyes, and the floor was filled with suspiciously red, already brown tinted stains._

_Too invested in the plant in front of his face, Hongjoong didn't notice Yunho's presence as he reached out to touch a single leaf, wincing as it writhes, before crumbling under his fingers._

_"Shit, Hongjoong, is this really what your practices look like?"_

_Whipping his head back, he stares, wide eyed, as Yunho steps closer, examining the marks on his skin, and he scrambles to leave at least some space in between them, just in case._

_"Do you just continuously hurt yourself?" the younger continued, his eyes prying, and Hongjoong could only turn his head in shame, avoiding Yunho's gaze._

_"I_ have _to, if I want to control it."_

_With that, Yunho's mouth snapped shut and he left the room.)_

"Hey, Joong, you still there?"

A snap of Yunho's fingers in front of his eyes brings him back to reality, and he nods so quickly he thinks he's gonna have a whiplash.

"Yeah, yeah," he's quick to assure, and he casts a glance across the shop before turning back to Yunho, "so, what would you want to order?"

➳

The next person to notice the gloves on his hands is Mingi.

Honestly, Hongjoong should've expected this. It's Mingi, after all. They've known each other since they were kids, even if Hongjoong's power reveal has made it impossible for them to meet for almost two years.

_(Because the new Super in Yunho's vision turned out to be Mingi._

_Hongjoong's precious, sunshine best friend, purer than most of the kids Hongjoong was unfortunate to meet before. The same Mingi that helped Hongjoong's mom bake cookies in middle school, the same Mingi that would burst into tears at a sight of a stray animal, and the same Mingi that threatened Hongjoong's bullies when he was still getting picked on for his shorter than average height._

_At first, Hongjoong panicked._

_Because one, soon into his life in the facility, the scientists revealed that his disappearance has been simply covered up by him moving to some new, fancier school, far far away. Without telling anyone, even his best friend. Of course, if it was true, Mingi would be the first one to know that he was moving. But it was only a cover up story, and Hongjoong was scared of Mingi's reaction at seeing Hongjoong there._

_And two, that meant Mingi was one of the Supers. And Hongjoong could only hope that the younger's power wasn't as destructive as his own._

_Needless to say, it took him almost a week to catch Mingi and explain everything after the younger saw him and without a word, started avoiding him.)_

It's okay now, though. Sure, it took some time, but eventually, their relationship went back to how it was before. And Hongjoong's glad it did, because he's not sure what he'd do without Mingi.

Even if, as always, it's impossible for him to hide his negative feelings in front of the boy.

He's barely walked into his class, and yet his eyes immediately spot the small carton of banana milk standing on his desk. It sends a wave of warmth through his veins, and he walks up to his seat with a smile on his face, gently letting his bag fall to the ground as he grabs the note sticking to the drink.

His eyes scan the simple message written on it, only a cheery _I hope you like banana milk_ followed by two exclamation points and a smiley face, but it's enough to have him beaming, and he tucks the note into his bag.

There are still five whole minutes left until the beginning of the lecture, so Hongjoong's not surprised when he hears enthusiastic footsteps that stop right behind him and the next thing he knows, there's a pair of arms circling his waist, pulling him up and spinning him around in circles. Involuntarily, he lets out a shriek, which earns him a warm laugh from Mingi, who only puts him down after his fourth whine about being afraid of heights.

(He's not. Or maybe he is. He's not sure.)

After that, Mingi casts a glance ahead, acting as if he can't see Hongjoong from above, and Hongjoong only whines again.

"Oh, Joong! Sorry, I thought I lost you for a second there," the younger exclaims, and he can only glare up at Mingi, a comment of _I'm not_ that _short_ already on the tip of his tongue when Mingi's eyes lock on something and his smile immediately drops.

"Whatㅡ" he mumbles, but then it hits him.

"Hongjoong..." the younger starts, his gaze still on the older's hands, and suddenly there's so much tension in the air, it's making him uncomfortable, "why are you wearing the gloves again?"

Avoiding Mingi's gaze, he slowly tucks his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, and he can feel the back if his neck burning when he replies, "it's justㅡ"

Mingi doesn't let him finish, though.

"Joongs, I thought you were past this?"

He winces at the words, curling in on himself even more as he murmurs, trying to sound as casual as possible, "to be fair, I thought so, too."

Glancing up, he sees Mingi nibbling at his lip, an unreadable expression in his eyes, "Hongjoong. You aren't going to hurt anyone, trust me. You didn't spend so much time on learning to control it just toㅡ just for _this_ ," he vawes vaguely at the hands hidden in his pockets, and really, Hongjoong knows Mingi means well, but he's just _scared_.

"What about Minhyuk, then? I almost killed him!"

Hearing the words, he doesn't even recognize his own voice. It drips with the guilt he'd thought he was over already, and his chest hurts a little at the crestfallen look on Mingi's face.

"Listen, Joong, it wasn't your fault. You didn't even knowㅡ"

"But it _was_ , Mingi! What if I mess up? What if it happens again? What ifㅡ" his teeth catch on his lip as he hesitates to say it out loud, and he looks down at the floor, resigned, before adding in a whisper, "what if I end up hurting _you_? Or, what if I end up hurting _Seonghwa_?"

At that, Mingi keeps silent. But after a second, an arm circles his back hesitantly before pulling him closer, and Hongjoong lets himself calm down in his best friend's arm, at least until the lecture begins.

➳

"Scorpio."

He startles at the voice, jumping up from his crouching position before turning on his heel, just to come face to face with Aries.

Aries ㅡ Seonghwa. _His_ Seonghwa. Wait, his?

The older's eyes crinkle up in greeting, his hands casually resting on his hips until one of them reaches up, fingers grabbing at the mask and tugging it down to reveal a smile that sends Hongjoong's heart into a faster rhythm.

"Wait, don'tㅡ" he starts, casting a glance around the empty streets beneath as if anyone would spend their free time stalking the local superheroes at two in the morning, and he whines, "Seonghwa, you can't just take off your mask while on your patrol!"

A chuckle rumbles out of the older's chest, and Hongjoong swears he can literally see his eyes soften as he gazes down at Hongjoong, and the fact _doesn't help_.

"But doesn't this count more as a personal meeting with the leader instead of a simple patrol?" he replies, his voice just a tiny bit higher than his usual tone and _God_ , was it meant to sound so smug or was Hongjoong just going crazy at this point?

"Wouldn't that make it even more obligatory to wear the mask, smartass?" he shoots back, and his chest fills with warmth when he hears Seonghwa giggle ㅡ fucking _giggle_ , since when was this man so adorable ㅡ and he reaches out to, what, exactly? Tap his nose? Brush his cheeks? Cup his jaw? He's not sure, he just knows he's touch starved.

But then he catches sight of the black gloves still on his hand and he stops mid move, his breath hitching before retracting it with a small step back.

He's sure Seonghwa doesn't miss it, and the older's lips part to comment but Hongjoong beats him to it, turning away, "as I was sayingㅡ Aries. Don't slack off on your patrol."

There's no response, and he doesn't hear it when Seonghwa leaves, but when he turns around again, the boy is already gone.

➳

_(After Mingi, it doesn't take as much time for new Supers to present, but with more people comes the need for their own spaces, and soon the only person Hongjoong sees everyday is his own reflection in the mirror._

_"It's for safety reasons," explained one of the scientist when he was ordered to move from his previous room, to a more secluded region of the facility._

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_Somehow, Hongjoong doesn't think that's the only reason why._

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_He practices every day after that, out of boredom and the fact that at least the plants could keep him company then, and even though he's, technically, already experienced enough so he doesn't have to wear the gloves, the scientists that visit him every now and then to check up on his progress keep as far away as they cab when he doesn't have them on._

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_Sure, it bothered him at first. But he understands that the contact with his skin would be potentially dangerous for anyone involved, so with time, he gets used to it._

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_It isn't until what he guesses must be two months later that they finally let him go meet the other Supers._

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_Except before he can leave his room, there's a black suit handed to him by one of the scientist, with a mask and a hat on top, and he guesses, he should've expected this._

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_So he does what he's told, changing into the surprisingly well fitting clothes, getting used to the long, leather jacket and as he slips the gloves back on, he stares at his reflection, realizing just how edgy it makes him look._

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_Admittedly, despite everything, he kind of likes it._

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_Finally stepping out of his room, he follows after the two scientist in front of him, his eyes scanning the long, empty hallways, so contrastingly different from what he's gotten used to before. The walls are almost impossibly white, no stains in sight, and their footsteps echo quietly behind them, contributing to the hushed conversation ahead._

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_He manages to catch something about there being only seven other Supers besides him, one of which presented barely a week ago. For some reason, he feels bad for the person._

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_The walk drags out enough for him to get lost both in person and in his mind, and he has no idea how to actually get back to his room after he's done with the other Supers._

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_The scientists in front of him still, and at the sight of a single door he doesn't think much before instinctively turning to it ㅡ but before his hand lands on the knob, a voice stops him._

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_"Remember, you're not Kim Hongjoong anymore. In front of the Supers, you're Scorpio now."_

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_Then, he turns the knob and opens the door._

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_At first, there's nothing. He steps inside, his gaze set on the floor self-consciously, but before he has the time to look up, a body collides with his, and he's met with a strong, warm chest in front of his face._

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_"Fuck, I've missed you," is whispered into his hair, and he melts in Mingi's embrace, letting himself enjoy it, just for a second._

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_It's nice, actually being able to touch someone after such a long time. Maybe he is touch starved, after all._

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_He doesn't know how long they stand like this, Hongjoong's hands clutching at the back of Mingi's jacket, until the younger finally pulls back and beams down at him under the mask._

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_"Miㅡ" he starts, but at the sight of six other people staring at them wordlessly he trails off, before continuing carefully, "uh, what should I call you?"_

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_"Leo's enough," the boy replies easily, and he nods at the information before turning back to the rest. There, on the far left, he immediately spots Yunho, who's already waving at him cheerily. The five other Supers, though, he doesn't recognize, and he's intimated at the, dare he say, fascinated looks they're sending him._

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_"I'm... Scorpio," he speaks up, hopefully loud and clear enough for all of them to catch it, "and, uh, all of you are...?"_

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_Yunho's the first one to step closer, and he clicks his tongue before answering, "Yunho, but you know that already," and for a second Hongjoong panics, because weren't they supposed to use aliases? But Yunho only chuckles at his widened eyes, "don't worry, Scorps, everyone here already knows my name, unfortunately."_

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_By the look on Yunho's face, Hongjoong guesses there must be a story behind it, and he files the information in his mind, telling himself to ask about it later._

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_After that, it goes smoothly._

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_The one that introduces himself as Gemini has a birthmark on his left eye. Cancer has an interesting choice of hair color. Sagittarius's ears are full of piercings and Libra's voice cracks when he says his alias, making Hongjoong wonder just how young the boy actually is. It's all easy to remember when he puts it like that, and his eyes turn to the last one, standing slightly to the side, his curious gaze trained on Hongjoong, and he gets the feeling that this is the one the scientists were talking about ㅡ the one that's barely been here for a week._

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_"I'm Aries," he says, his voice quiet but surprisingly smooth, and it takes Hongjoong a while until he's able to look away._

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_It's only a few days later that Mingi tells him ㅡ Hongjoong was actually the only one to move so far in the facility, with the scientist worried about the other Supers' reaction to his poisonous powers._

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_Which meant that Hongjoong was the only one to have basically no idea about the rest of the Supers' existence, while they all got to hear about him from either the scientists or Yunho and Mingi's casual comments every now and then._

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_Maybe that's why they seemed so fascinated to meet him for the first time._

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_The mysterious Super, the first one to present, sent away because of his dangerous powers ㅡ paired with the suits they were all wearing, it made him sound way more edgy than he'd first thought._

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_It's a shame it only sounded amazing from someone else's perspective, while he was literally locked up and longed for someone's, anyone's comforting touch.)_

➳

Hongjoong never though it was possible for the library to be even more quiet than it usually is ㅡ and yet.

He's sitting on the counter, his legs kicking lightly at the air, just because he can. The entire library is empty, and it makes him feel kind of unsettled, so he slides his phone out of his pocket and scrolls through it just to distract himself from the eerie silence.

It works well, after a few minutes. Honestly, even more than _well_ , because he doesn't even hear it when the doors to the library open and footsteps storm in his direction. He only snaps his head up when a stack of books slams next to where He's seated, and he jerks at the loud thudding sound it makes, before glancing at the newcomer.

It's Yunho, except Yunho's always such a positive person, that it feels weird, almost intimidating, to see his face set into a serious expression. Then, his lower lip juts out in a pout as he stares down at Hongjoong, and he can only blink back at the younger wordlessly.

"Joong, Jesus Christ, can you stop flirting with Aries while we're _working_?" the boy huffs out, words jumbled as he says everything in one breath and it takes Hongjoong a second to process what he's just said.

"Whaㅡ"

Yunho doesn't let him finish, though, reaching up his hand to tap at the side of his head, before mouthing _earpiecie_.

Immediately, Hongjoong feels a burning flush crawling up his neck, "oh," he mumbles, fingers scratching at his jaw sheepishly, "that, uh, that's kinda awkward."

Something between a sigh and a histeric giggle leaves Yunho's mouth, briefly making Hongjoong wonder if the other's brain didn't fry as he heard their talk on the rooftop, but the boy seems to regain his ability to speak fairly quickly, "you tell me."

Yunho's eyes bounce around the room as if he's been traumatized, and at any other moment Hongjoong would laugh at that, but right now he can only duck his head in embarrassment.

"So," the younger breaks the silence again, finally turning to face Hongjoong again, and there's a mischievous glint in his eye before he continues, "what's with you and Seonghwa? Are you like, together?"

And Hongjoong groans at that, because _of course_.

"Uh, no?" he replies hesitantly, before his eyes widen and he scrambles to add, "wait, no, yes? No? I, uh, I honestly have no idea," he curses at the way his cheeks flame hot, because he's always been the one to blush easily at the stupidest things, and this is, apparently, one of them, "we never actually talked about it."

Yunho's eyebrow raises in amusement at his words, or maybe his emotions, _shit_ , but there's still a tint of confusion in his expression as he replies, "so... are you guys like, friends with benefits then?"

Hongjoong splutters, choking on air and if he dies right at this moment, he's going to blame it on Yunho.

"Oh my God, no, Yunho, _no_ , we only like, kissed _once_ , and it was even before I knew who Aries was, seriously, chill."

It's Yunho's turn to look on the verge of death, "you _what_?"

But Hongjoong's heart is too weak for him to repeat himself, so he only pushes at Yunho's chest to get him to shut up.

It only works for a few minutes, as Hongjoong can literally hear gears turning in Yunho's mind as the younger processes the information. At least he doesn't pay any attention to the gloves this time.

"You should like, talk about it."

A sigh, "I know."

(But he's scared of losing what he already has.)

➳

He's sitting by the desk in his room, fingers tapping away at the keyboard as he squints at the too bright screen in the dimmed light, and the clock on his nightstand tells him it's technically not even that late, but he's already changed into a loose t-shirt and a baggy pajama bottoms, just for the comfort of it.

He rubs at his eyes, heaving a tired sigh, before a ring of the front door reaches him, and he briefly wonders, who would visit him at such an hour? Actually, no, the question is, who would even visit him at all?

He stands up, stretching his back and wincing as his neck cracks loudly, before bare feet hit the cold floor in even footsteps as he makes his way to where the sound is coming from.

He hesitates only a second before opening the door, and he scrunches his nose as his eyes meet someone's chest. Come on, he's not even _that_ short, but again, he's not wearing his platformed shoes right now, so he reluctantly looks up, his breath hitching as he meets Seonghwa's amused gaze.

"I never would've guessed you were _this_ tiny," the blonde murmurs, earning himself a shove and Hongjoong watches, satisfied, when the older stumbles back a step, a beaming grin on his lips.

"What are you doing here, anyway?" he replies, eyes following the older closely as he shrugs.

"Just, you know, wanted to check up on you. I knew you were gonna stay up overworking yourself," Hongjoong rolls his eyes at that, because it's not his fault he's kind of a perfectionist, "God, this almost feels like what a boyfriend would do."

The last part is only added in a whisper, and Hongjoong guesses he wasn't actually meant to hear that, but he did, and now he tries to will down the blush that threatens to show on his cheeks.

"Oh, also," the blonde reaches his hand out from where he held it behind his back before, and how could Hongjoong not notice that, because there's another rose pushed in his direction, and the fact makes his heart jump up to his throat.

"This is getting kinda old," he mutters to hide it, but judging by Seonghwa's lips quirking up it doesn't work, and he grasps the flower carefully before partly turning around, "do you wanna, uh, come in?"

The blonde only nods in reply, and as Hongjoong goes to put the flower inside his room, he can faintly hear the door closing before footsteps follow. Soon, Seonghwa's already standing by his desk, saving Hongjoong's progress and before he can protest, the computer's already shutting down and Seonghwa turns to face him. Technically, he's not even smiling, but there's a smug glint in his eye that drives Hongjoong insane.

"No more working today," the older says smoothly, grabbing Hongjoong by the wrist and tugging him over to the bed, before pushing him down, his hold firm but gentle, "you need to rest, too."

Hongjoong teeth catch on his lip because he's never been too good with words unless it was in writing, and he mumbles, because he doesn't trust his voice enough to say it louder, "will you?"

It's not even a whole sentence, but it seems to be enough as Seonghwa's eyes crinkle up, and he ruffles Hongjoong's fringe before replying, "just let me change real quick."

(When Seonghwa comes back, he's wearing the one hoodie Hongjoong's deemed as his after the blonde forgot it at his place once, and a pair of sweatpants that on Hongjoong look baggy but they barely reach Seonghwa's ankles, and the fact makes him feel some kind of way he doesn't dare name yet.

At first, he lets Seonghwa cuddle up to him, throwing an arm around the older and enjoying his warmth, but when he's sure the boy's already asleep, the guilt on the bottom of his stomach is too much to handle, and careful not to wake the blonde up, he leans away.)

➳

He's clutching at his knees, panting as he tries to catch his breath again, and he ignores the stinging cuts on his thigh to glance up at his members, in no better state than him.

Only him, Gemini and Cancer were available when the alarm inside the base went off, and they didn't waste time getting to where the break in happened, but it still wasn't easy to fight off everyone when they were at the disadvantage.

Hongjoong can't just use his power, not at times like that, and Cancer's power only works at touch, so before they actually got closer only Gemini could use his telekinesis. So it took some time, as well as blood, swear and tears, and that wasn't even joking, before Cancer was finally able to drowse them all to sleep.

He takes a deep breath, before pushing himself upright, and walks up to Gemini, resting a careful hand on the boy's shoulder, "you did great there."

The other nods gratefully at the praise, and Hongjoong turns to face Cancer this time, "and you, too. I was honestly surprised at how fast you managed to catch them when we finally had an opening."

"Thanks," replies the boy, and Hongjoong almost can hear the smile in his voice.

"Now, go find Leo, because that looks pretty painful."

Gemini tilts his head quizically but before he can say anything, Cancer beats him to it, "wait, you're not going with us?"

There's concern visible in his eyes when they slip down to his thighs, a mess of dried blood and torn pants, and Hongjoong appreciates the worry but he waves the question off, "no, I'll just go and help Yunho with the paperwork."

Gemini still doesn't look fully convinced as he murmurs, "if you say so," but Cancer doesn't push more as he twists his fingers in the sleeve of Gemini's jacket and tugs him away.

➳

It's not like Hongjoong didn't know this was going to happen eventually. It's just that he's been hoping it'll take a little more time until Seonghwa decides to have a Talk.

They're both in Seonghwa's room when it happens, just because the older heard about the mission and insisted on taking care of Hongjoong until he was fully healed. At first, he tried to decline, saying that he was already feeling fine enough, but soon he realized he didn't really have a choice in the matter, so he just sighed before turning on his heel mid step and going to the opposite side of the campus, in the direction of Seonghwa's dorm building.

He doesn't have to knock as he gets there, because the door is already open, and he toes off his shoes before tucking them carefully to the side.

He sniffs the air, curious when he feels the pleasant smell of cooking, and he hums in greeting as he steps inside the kitchen.

"Just a second, I'm making you some soup," Seonghwa explains before he even has the time to ask, and he walks up to the counter, climbing up to sit on it as he watches the blonde closely.

Seonghwa's eyes focused, he doesn't glance at Hongjoong even once as he's working, which means that he doesn't have to hide his obvious heart eyes, and he rests his head on top of his hand as he waits.

It ends up being more than just a second, obviously, but Hongjoong doesn't mind it, and only smiles at the older in thanks when he finally deems it finished.

As Seonghwa pours the soup into two bowls, Hongjoong's relieved at the fact he wasn't going to be the only one to eat, and before he notices it, they're already done with the food, full and comfortable and he probably wouldn't even move any time soon if not for Seonghwa letting out a laugh and saying, "get up, lazybones."

And it's all fun and games as they sit on Seonghwa's bed, curtains closed and fairy lights twinkling above, until Seonghwa's fingers curl around his gloved wrist and he asks, "why have you been so distant lately?"

Hongjoong's pretty sure his heart stops at the words, and he tries to pull back his hand but Seonghwa doesn't let him, his palm coming up to meet Hongjoong's own until their fingers intertwine, and there's a concerned pout on his lips as his gaze switches from Hongjoong's eyes to search his entire face.

"What do you mean?" he mumbles, trying to play dumb, but the older's eyebrows only furrow, not buying it.

"You know very well what I'm talking about."

And Hongjoong only ducks his head, because Seonghwa is _right_ , but he's still so scared.

"I, uh," he trails off, licking his lips nervously to try and get some time, "it's just. Something's been bothering me," he continues, voice dropping into a whisper, and Seonghwa hums for him to go on.

"At the facility... did they ever tell you how I presented?"

The question seems to be the last thing Seonghwa expected, because his lips part for a second, taken aback, before he shakes his head slowly, "no, not really... you know I wasn't there for that long, really."

The corner of Hongjoong's lips tilt into an emotionless smile, disappointed but not surprised.

"You know, there was this kid, Minhyuk. We were classmates at the time," he murmurs, as he tries to explain as best as he can when he gets lost of that day's memory, "he... no, I, I almost killed him, then."

He glances up at Seonghwa to catch his reaction, watching as his eyes widen almost comically as he sucks in a breath, before continuing, "Our fingers touched by accident and apparently his skin must've absorbed the poison through contact because the next thing I knew, he was alreadyㅡ"

His voice cracks at the end, and he doesn't even finish the sentence, he just can't, but he feels a gentle squeeze at his palm and Seonghwa's still looking at him with that soft, concerned look in his eye, so he continues, "and I guess, when you started to... cling onto me more, it reminded me of that day and I just, I wasㅡ no, I still am scared of hurting you."

He avoids Seonghwa's gaze after that, letting his head fall on top of of the older's shoulders, in order to hide from his reaction, and they stay quiet for a a few seconds, the silence stretching out until he feels a light tug at his gloves.

"I trust you," comes Seonghwa's hushed voice.

He whips his head up, watching, wordlessly, as Seonghwa's careful fingers slide the glove off his skin, placing it on the blanket before gently bringing Hongjoong's hand up to his face. Eyes set on the palm, he plants a soft peck on the tip of Hongjoong's thumb, before moving to the next finger, brushing his lips against all of them until he goes back to the middle finger. Trailing gentle kisses down, he doesn't stop until he reaches the center of Hongjoong's palm and only then does he pulls back, but barely enough to speak up again, and his warm breath tickles Hongjoong's skin wirh every word, "you might be scared, but this is also _my_ choice, and I trust you not to hurt me."

Hongjoong's pretty sure he can feel tears pricking at his eyes and he blinks them away before Seonghwa can even see them, only nodding in response because he knows if he tries to say anything, his voice will crack again.

Their gazes meet for a second before Seonghwa tugs down the glove from his second hand, and he lets Hongjoong's arms rest on his shoulders before he turns to look the younger in the eyes again.

"You trusted me enough to let me go on a mission that you thought would get me killed; it's only fair that I trust you back," he murmurs, his eyes so warm and sincere it makes Hongjoong feel all soft inside. Then, the older brings up his palm to cup Hongjoong's jaw, and he already knows what's coming so he only lets his eyes close before nodding.

Though he doesn't expect the older to kiss his cheek at first, and he hears Seonghwa chuckle when he startles, but it's gone as soon as it appeared before Hongjoong feels a pair of lips on the opposite side of his face. Then, Seonghwa pulls back, and there's a second of silence before the older softly pecks his lips, and it's such a drastic change from the desperate kiss on the rooftop that feels like forever ago, now, and Hongjoong thinks his heart is about to burst.

Without opening his eyes, he lets his fingers tangle behind Seonghwa's neck, and he whispers, "are we... boyfriends?"

There's a chuckle, and he can feel the puff of air against his mouth, before the older replies, "only if you want us to be."

" _Please_."

And maybe he sounds just a tiny bit hopeless, but Seonghwa seems to find it amusing, as he only laughs again before pulling Hongjoong back in.

**Author's Note:**

> so........ that's done. and YET i still didn't even put everything i wanted to show in this au into the ACTUAL FIC so i????? might???? write another sequel later??? idk tho
> 
> as i said before my tumblr is @ starryhwa if u wanna hmu and please please please leave some feedback if u liked this!!!!!! <33


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